Some thoughts for 2009...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

I would say that these are resolutions of some kind, but there more just thoughts...

As I was standing on Lambeth Bridge waiting for the fireworks to begin on New Years, I was trying to distract my mind from the cold wind comming off the Thames, and so I got to thinking about my new years resolutions and what I wanted to get out of 2009.

I came to the decision that I worried too much about bills here. When my last roommates buggered off without finding their replacements - enevitably sticking us with the burden (both for finding their replacements and paying their rent if it took us too long), and without paying their portion of the bills (a whopping £180 bill, mind you), it seriously stressed me out. I was feeling a level of anxiety that I hadn't felt since I moved here and was looking for a place to stay. Fortunately I was working long hours at the job, and as such could distract myself during the day, but everytime I came back home I would be filled with this stomach-twisting anxiety about what lied ahead. On several occasions I ended up tears just walking home, other times I spent the evening locked in my room, crying and being miserable. I've never experienced so much anxiety in my life.

It came and went (hormones, maybe?), but one evening I was chatting with my flatmate, A, and he was expressing a lot of the same concerns... At one point I stopped him and said "You know, if during these 2 years the only bad thing that happens to me is that I have to foot an extra £50 now and again to cover roommates bills, I'm okay with that - there's so many things that could happen that would be so much worse". And you know, it's true. I don't know where that comment came from that night, but it's true. I live in a clean, safe house. My flatmates are nice guys who are responsibile. My landlady is lovely and really cares about us. I'm in freaking LONDON and can afford to be here.

So, as one of my resolutions, I have decided to stop worrying about bills and money so much. That doesn't mean that I'm tossing my newly-made budget out the window, it just means that I'm not going to get my panties in a twist if my budget doesn't work out, or I need to spend some money to cover a bill once in a while. The point of these two years is to have fun and explore the world, not worry about bills. I can do that back home, thank-you-very-much.

As a little piggyback thought on this resolution, I have decided to write down several things that I am thankful for at the end of every night. I got a free little blue journal with the purchase of a magazine in December, and starting last night I have written down at least 3 things I was thankful for that day. They could be silly or serious, but they have to be true. I hope that by focusing on the positives rather than the negatives I can pull myself out of my mini-January funk.

I'm also looking forward to getting out more. Since we started looking for tennants, I have pretty much been sitting here at my desk waiting for e-mails and phone calls. It's alright, but it's not great. I went from working 5-7 days a week to working none and not even leaving the house, except to take the garbage out. It doesn't help that the weather is generally miserable outside. However, I've determined that I'm in a much better place when I can get outside for a while, even just to walk around. Starting Sunday, I will get myself outside to take at least a 30 minute walk, no matter what the weather is. It's a bit silly to stay inside 24 hours a day, especially when we get so little sunlight right now.

Well... there's some thoughts for you. I hope you are sucessful in your New Year's Resolutions. Cheers!

(Good lord I've been blogging a lot recently!)